Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
