Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
