i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
