hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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