she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
