Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
