I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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