He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
