You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
