She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
