how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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