i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
