somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
