she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
