well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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