Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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