i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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