i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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