What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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