Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
