You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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