IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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