Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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