Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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