After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
