If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
