hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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