I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize