Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
