she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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