I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
