Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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