I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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