I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
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Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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