Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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