We're facebook friends in real life
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
