im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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