The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Two words: nipple clamps
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