Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
