Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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