She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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