We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im holly from the hills drunk
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
