I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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