Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
