Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
