the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
