and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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