you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
