I wannas sexs uuuuu
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
