Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
