i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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