I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
