so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
