Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
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My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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