no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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