one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
