WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
